Is There a Murderer Behind You?

Sometimes I like to enjoy a morning jog.

Rephrase: Sometimes I like to jog in the morning.

ReRephrase: Sometimes I jog in the morning.

Truthfully: I have to rip myself out of my bed and fight some gruesome internal battles in order to jog in the morning.

Cardio and I in general are not BFF. Unless it is some fun, high powered dance routine, forcing myself to get my heart pumping is no easy task. What’s that you say? I could power walk instead of run? You don’t understand. Everyone of a certain age in my neighborhood power walks. They wear some sort of revolting orthopedic shoes with extra padding on the bottom so their bunions don’t act up. They swing their arms at alarming rates and heights. They duck their head down and stare at the road like they’re ready to pound it to death with their hefty shoes. To avoid the risk of someday turning into this, I think I’ll jog.  

To add fuel to the fire, I got a new pair of running shoes a couple weeks ago- Reebok RunTones. Their claims aren’t lies. Now, not only do my lungs burn while I’m struggling for air, but my ass and calves have to chime in too. Ok, it’s not a crazy burn, but you can really tell a difference between running in these babies and normal shoes.  I thought about a pair of EasyTones before RunTones. I tried them on in Academy once and learned that this wouldn’t be a great idea. I am prone to sprained ankles and the instability that EasyTones provided in just a few seconds had me picturing myself back on my bedazzled crutches. That’s right- bedazzled crutches. The last time I sprained my ankle so bad I was stuck on crutches for a week, I decided to make them fancy.

Now I won’t lie; I do walk more often than I jog. I’m usually stuck with the task of taking our 7 pound Yorkie for a walk around her kingdom (also known as the neighborhood). The amount of exercise I get from this, however, is limited. You know the saying “stop and smell the roses”? Well Maddie (the 7 pound Yorkie) stops and smells more than just Roses. Blades of grass, telephone poles, other dog’s leftovers.. She’ll give just about anything a good sniff. That 7 pound little brat can stop dead in her tracks and jerk me backwards when she plants her little paws into asphalt. You’d think she was an anchor the way she can jerk you around. Humans always win though; when she would rather spend her day inhaling outdoor scents, I really annoy and pick her up. I always wonder what someone driving by thinks when they see my dog attached to a leash yet she’s in my arms. Now that I think about it, that’s probably the reason she sniffs so much. She knows if she does it just enough I’ll carry her for a few yards and she won’t have to trot along beside me. Well then. I thought the humans always won.

What does the murderer have to do with anything you ask? Maybe I will turn into one of those crazy power walkers one of these days. That way, I’ll have just enough endurance to run only when I’m being chased.. Like by a murderer.

-M

From the Depths of Megan's Mind: I've been thinking about stop animation. Don't ask why, just accept it. Who in the hell decided that was a good idea? "Let's take months and months out of our lives to play with clay and hope it looks cool after we take a billion pictures". Kudos to those clay tweakers who have the attention span to deal with that. As for me, I'll stick to Play Doh snakes.